The Sisterhood of Mothers

by Debbie Gaylord
photos by Monika Colichio 

Although I did not realize it at first, it was fitting when Monika Colichio, our photographer, suggested  Mission Nombre De Dios for our May cover photo.  After all, we were featuring Moms of St. Johns and the chapel of Our Lady of La Leche, is a shrine devoted to mothers, to milk and a happy delivery for expecting mothers! It seemed like this was no coincidence at all! We were surrounded by the energy of motherhood going back as far as the 1600’s.

Motherhood and what it means to be a mom has changed dramatically over the years.  The good news in 2015 is there is no right or wrong way to do it.  Some of us stay home, while other’s work and for the most part we respect each other’s choices without judgement. The moms I know are creative, amazing women who create sisterhoods through friendship and lift each other’s spirits when they need it most.  There is a power in sisterhood that women today demonstrate through the simple act of acceptance without judgement of our differences and choices.  It’s a true testament to how far we have come.

This month, St. Johns Magazine got to know three local moms; Pam, a working mom, Kerri, a stay-at-home mom & new mom Sarah. The common denominator for these women is dedication.  Each has sacrificed their own life goals so they can be there for their kids but they do so with purpose and without regret.

Pam: Working Mom
Pam Hemmen is well-known local realtor and go-getter with three children, Sarah, 15, Nolan, 13 and Geoff, 11.  She also includes her husband as her 4th child LOL.  Between work and having three children in three different local schools, Pam’s life is a whirlwind of activity but she would not have it any other way.
When her children were very little she was an investment analyst who frequently traveled to New York City and the World Trade Center.  When 9-11 happened, Pam made the decision to be home with her kids. “I sat at my desk and watched the horror unfold, I knew I needed to be at home with my babies.  I left my office early and picked them up and took them home. I knew I needed to devise a plan to change things”.  That is when she came up with the idea of opening a home day care center.  She did this for a few years successfully but wanted to do more with her MBA.  That is when she decided to start a second company that assisted realtors.  After working in the real estate world she went to school at night to get her license to become a realtor. The best thing for Pam is she is able to plan her working hours around the needs of her family. 
As a working mom who works from home, Pam’s greatest challenge is that she rarely has time off when she is not working.  “I wear many hats; mom, nurse, taxi-driver, housecleaner, cook, baseball team mom, shopper, homework helper, car washer, pressure washer, gardener, wife, and don’t forget Realtor!”  She says that sometimes she is returning emails at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, only to get up a 6:00 with the kids the next day!  Any working mom can relate.
When Pam does get time off she likes to go to the beach. “The beach is definitely my home away from home. Whether walking on the beach, looking for sharks teeth, or sitting chatting with friends.”  She is also a runner who has trained for several marathons. 

A Day in the Life of a Working Mom
Every day is sooooo different.  Some days I sit in front of my home computer all day.  Other days I have appointments scheduled all day...as soon as the kids are on the bus, I’m off and running to my appointments in hopes of being home when the kids get off the bus.  Then I can prepare snacks & dinner and jump on my email while sitting at the kitchen table with the kids.

Secret to Success: BALANCE
I don’t know the answer to this one... It is a constant struggle for me.  With my job, I never have a day off and find it difficult to take a vacation.  Clients call/text/email every day of the week at all times of the day.  And with everyone having smartphones, some clients find it unacceptable for me to NOT answer a phone call, text message or email within 5 minutes.  Finding balance is very difficult for me.  When I realize I am putting more time into one area of my life and neglecting another, I immediately take a whole day to focus on the neglected side.  This helps me to catch up and rebalance things

Kerri Melluso –
Stay-At-Home Mom
Being a stay-at-home mom who has the chance to focus on her kids is a blessing especially when the children are little.  Kerri Melluso is a stay-at-home mom to Christian, age 5 and Chase, age 2. Before staying home with her boys she was a special education teacher, and later owned a restaurant in St. Augustine with her husband Christian.  Today, the couple owns a lcoal business, Groutline Solutions & More,  When the boys are both in school, she plans to go back to work but until then but she enjoys every minute of the time she has with her kids now.  

“I chose to stay home because I wanted to be the one who put them down for naps in the afternoon, teach them their first words, train them to use the toilet, dry their tears when they fell, held them when they were sick morning, noon and night, and to be the one who corrected them when they were wrong”.  

One of Kerri’s challenges right now is giving both boys equal amounts of attention even though their needs are so different.

A Day in the Life of a Stay-At-Home Mom
A typical day starts with getting Christian off to school in the morning, which could be a challenge. Chase wanting to be just like his brother is copying everything his big brother is doing. And I become a referee most of the time. Once we successfully get Christian on the bus, my next accomplishment is to entertain Chase along with getting housework done which means not getting a whole lot done. After lunch, we play or have nap time but that is not happening as much anymore as he is approaching 3 years old.  Afternoons before Christian is to get off the bus, Chase and I get outside for some fun time, going to the park, a walk, blowing bubbles or riding bikes. Next stop is the bus stop, followed by snack time which is when I get a quiet moment to figure out what’s on the menu for dinner. Homework or quiet reading time is next. To get the boys nice and tired we are    back outside for some fun and dinner is served shortly after that with more outside fun, a movie or game time of their choice before bath time. Followed by story time before bed. And start it all over again the next day.

Secret to Success: Fun First
“I learned that tomorrow is another day, do what you can and put the kid’s laughter and fun first”

Sarah Gruber – 
New Mom
Everyone remembers the tremendous shift in life when you have your first baby.  Going from a life focused on yourself and your husband to a life that is 24/7 baby.  For most women it is a beautiful time. Sarah Gruber is a new Mom to Kinley, 18 months. She recently moved to St. Johns from Atlanta, Georgia, and cherishes every day as time spent making memories with Kinley.  “The entire experience has brought so much joy to my life.  The bond and unconditional love that I have and share with my daughter is a joy greater than any I thought I would ever experience!  The most precious thing to me right now is when she looks up, puckers her lips and gives me a kiss!”
Sarah is taking businesses courses in her free time and tries to squeeze in house work when Kinley is napping or playing quietly in the morning.  Her days are busy but full.  

A Day in the Life of A New Mom 
My daughter wakes up every morning around 8 a.m., and the next hour usually consists of snuggles, Cheerios and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. After cartoons, Kinley is usually content to play by herself for a bit, so I try to get some housework done. We have lunch around noon, and then Kinley goes down for a nap. Once my daughter wakes up we play (she really loves her toy kitchen) and then go for a late afternoon walk in the neighborhood. Once my husband gets home from work, assuming that the weather is nice, we are probably in the backyard either grilling dinner or just enjoying the outside. Around 8 in the evening we have bath time, snuggle-story time and then it’s off to bed by 8:30. That leaves a little time to spend alone with my husband before we head off to bed.

Secret to Success: PAtience
Patience and a supportive, understanding husband. And... A glass of wine never hurts. :)